It’s that time of year again when the nights become lighter, the birds start chirping in the trees and the faint waft of BBQs fill the air. Here at The Abbey Hotel our thoughts turn to CHRISTMAS !!, yes I said it Christmas. While our customers are thinking of all things spring like – walking on the hills, picnics and fresh air- we turn our attentions to providing the best possible entertainment for our Christmas and New Year parties.
So with this in mind I hot footed it to a hotel in Kidderminster with two budding music critics, my sons. Begrudgingly they agreed to go, with the promise of a McDonald’s on the way back (the real reason to tag along). We found the venue and squeezed into a very tight parking space and headed towards the music, this took me back to Club Tropicana by Wham, well at least the intro. The bar was conveniently located in the room and we purchased a couple of appletinis and found a seat with a view but not too close to the stage I mean speakers!
Once settled down the compare did his bit and a duo started to sing, the stage was empty but we couldn’t see anyone. We then realised that the stage we were looking at was the set for the bigger groups and not duos. This turned out to be a master stroke as the music was so loud you could not hear yourself think or them sing! After communicating by sign language for 10 minutes we reverted to writing down our views on the singers. The first main act was the hotel receptionists sorry I meant Kenny Rodgers and Lady Ga-Ga she didn’t have a strong enough voice to compete with the music and so they were written off. One of my sons, Luke started his ‘Special 5 star rating’ and gave the first act 2 stars, Lewis my other son was not so generous and gave them 1. The acts came thick and fast – Bernie and his amazing Kazoo, Larry the singing spaniel and Justin Timberlake lookalike who was so small he looked more like Justin Timberpuddle! On the table we had a list of the acts that were performing this evening and it was then we realised that Neil Diamond and Elvis were one and the same.
So on came Neil and once again he was blasted out by the backing track Luke commented that this was the first ever 1 star he had given and he looked surprisingly like Elvis. “He shouts into the mike, like Dad on the phone” he said, unfortunately Dad was working tonight or fortunately for him. Lewis comments were a bit more colourful but what do you expect from an 18 year old who likes Trance music listening to an Elvis Diamond look alike.
The night progressed on and the acts kept coming the comments flowed from the teenage pens and did not get any more complementary, Elvis Diamond came back on and this time ‘The wonder of you’ linked with a few yoga moves, not dissimilar to the downwards facing dog, strangely amusing. Then as if by magic he started to play the comedian and produced a red thong from under a ladies chair asking if they were hers. Well by this time I felt I had been time warped back to the 80’s to a Butlin’s holiday camp so enough was enough and we slipped out before Elvis Diamond had chance to produce any more comedic classics. We then shoe horned ourselves out of the parking space and headed towards McDonald’s for a wash down of tonight’s performances. It was one long evening and I was still no closer to finding that musical gem, I felt a bit like Cheryl Cole trying to pick the best act that will go on to win the X factor but every time not just getting the right mix.
Anyway I’ll keep trying, I may have to revert to plan B (They’re a good band my sons tell me…mmm..maybe..) Looks like it’s time to contact the agents to find the right band but you can be sure of one thing that ELVIS DIAMOND HAS DEFINATELY LEFT THE BUILDING! Dare I say it but Christmas and New Year bookings are now being taken.
Rachel Proctor, Business Development Manager, Abbey Hotel.